how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well you can't waste a boner
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
