oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
