Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
