is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
