Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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