I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
