tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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