I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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