If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
