Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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