i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
