im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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