u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
