She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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