More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
