You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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