I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
