you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
