So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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