And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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