Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
