i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
