there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
