my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
