Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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