I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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