Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
