he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
