So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
