I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
