i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
