so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
