when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
