Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
