If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
