Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just cropdusted the office
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
