That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
