Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
