and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
