Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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