Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
