There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
