47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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