Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
