How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
