Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
