I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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