You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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