I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
