haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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