Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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