i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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