At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
