i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I stole a fireplace last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
